As a therapist I spend a good deal of time helping clients get away from asking "WHY?"
Whys are tail chasing exercises. We get a hold of a why and can't let go. As soon as you answer one why there are a dozen more. Whys keep us stuck in the same old ways of doing and thinking.
|Hemerocallis 'July Gold'|
Instead, I like them to focus on the what, when, who and how questions.
- What is working in the garden?
- What's not working?
- What am I willing to do to make changes?
- How much money, time and energy do I have for this project?
- When can I implement these changes?
- Who am I trying to please?
|Hypericum frondosum with a fly|
It's a similar issue with the woulda, coulda, shoulda thoughts that plague many a gardener!
Let them go! Trust me on this~regrets are a big energy waste.
This post was written by Gail Eichelberger for my blog Clay and Limestone Copyright 2011.This work protected under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. Please contact me for permission to copy, reproduce, scrape, etc.
Brilliant advice! It's too easy to get stuck in the negative rut. I'm going to try to apply your strategy to my garden.ReplyDelete
Hi Gail, long time since I walk your garden and heard your great words... big mistake. It is really a treat to pay Clay and Limestone a visit.ReplyDelete
Words of wisdom for sure my friend. Gorgeous photos to accompany the advice too!ReplyDelete
So agree, dear Gail. Lovely photos/great advice.ReplyDelete
Awesome post and great advice!ReplyDelete
So true Gail! Thanks for the help in focusing...and the wonderful photos.ReplyDelete
Wonderful words of wisdom. The next time I'm thinking about regrets I'll remember this.ReplyDelete
You are indeed the wisest of women, or men for that matter, dear Gail! No room for whys, they don't matter anyway. Make room for Onward! (My own version of your other questions. HA)ReplyDelete
In other words, enjoy what brought you here.ReplyDelete
Simplys stunning photographs, Gail. And wise words. Much food for thought, as always. xxxtinaReplyDelete
Excellent advice, Gail!ReplyDelete
I love everything about today's post. Thank you for the soothing, wise words, good for my garden and my life. The photos are so beautiful.ReplyDelete
Gail, I always go back and read your posts a second time, every time.ReplyDelete
Your posts are like a little refreshing "stop and smell the roses" break in the day.
Your photos are wonderful -- and the message is perfect.ReplyDelete
What a great reminder Gail - I really needed this just now - thanks :)ReplyDelete
Have a great weekend
PS The Gaura lindheimeri is looking rather lovelyReplyDelete
This advice can be used in so many areas of our lives Gail..Wonderful and timely, for me. Thank you! Photos are outstanding, again.ReplyDelete
Good advice to follow, along with 'To thine ownself be true'.ReplyDelete
Great adivse Gail. Beautiful photos too. I love the way you always find sleeping bees. Have a great weekend.ReplyDelete
Good advice and lovely photos. I've always felt that we learn and keep on going.ReplyDelete
Je ne regrette rien.
Wise words indeed. Thank you!ReplyDelete
Beautifully written, and those photos are exquisite. No wonder you're a Best Garden Blog from Horticulture magazine.~~DeeReplyDelete
Oh, I couldn't agree more! Why do I always start fretting about stuff like plants getting to big -- Ooops ;->ReplyDelete
My two most common questions always start with either "where" as in "where is that going to go" and lately "what" as in "what are you going to take out to put that new plant in".ReplyDelete
The garden is at that happiest time of year - when what shall I plant in that gap, is answered by - THAT needs pruning and I'll take cuttings!ReplyDelete
Wonderful advice! You and I think alike. I'm a problem solver by nature/profession and love the fact that gardening isn't static. I'd be bored if it were!! I really love love love the photo of the daylilly and dill. :o)ReplyDelete
Good advice on many levels. I like that. Gorgeous photos!!! Your post reminds me of a saying my brother used to say to me all the time-" Don't should on yourself. "ReplyDelete
Great post! Thanks for sharing.
Good advice. Would be wonderful if we all would follow such good advice. I think a happier place would be for all.
I don't know Gail. Asking why can get us to thinking about the reasons we do things. If I ask why I did such and such, I can say, because .... and reason it out. I think asking why can help us grow out of our ruts and make changes. Also, I think sometimes regrets are a good thing when we know we need to change something or go to someone and apologize for a wrong done to them--making amends, you know? I think in the right context why can be a very good thing. We just can't get stuck in the whys. Just my two bits. Beautiful photos. That red daylily is to die for.ReplyDelete
Grace, I would love to have a stroll in the garden, a cup a tea and talk life philosophy with you. ...I think we are on the same page, but use some words differently. What you've described is what I hope my clients can reach. But, they are so stuck that whys don't work for them. Every why leads to more whys without any change in their behaviors. For those who are stuck; the who, what, where, when and how questions can help them get the needed insight to get unstuck and move forward. Part of getting unstuck means folks can stop shaming themselves with the shouldas and take action= make amends and move forward. xogailReplyDelete
Gardens are a lot like life, except you can't shovel prune your relatives. You can change yourself and your garden.ReplyDelete
Brilliant post, Gail! I think you should write a book on the therapist's guide to gardening. Looking forward to seeing you SOON! xxooReplyDelete
Great thoughts, Gail. I couldn't agree more. But then again, I agree with Grace, too;-) Kind of the same thing, said in different ways.ReplyDelete
I agree! But I'm wondering now why won't it rain? Why is it so hot? I hope we see some moisture in our future around here - my water bill is going to be much higher than I want to think about!ReplyDelete
Ah, Gail, I need to re-read this post at least once a week! I'm caught too often in the "should-have's" and "ought-to's" and always have been. But I'm taking some lessons from gardening--all that matters there is that it pleases me (wish I could italicize that "me"). I don't want to become self-centered, but I am realizing that you can't please everyone else, so you have to do what feels right for you and let everything else go.ReplyDelete
Your clients are very lucky to have the benefit of your wisdom!
Beautiful pictures like always, Gail. And besides of the gorgeous pictures you even provided us with a free lesson in philosophy. Excellent Post and well worth to give it a deeper thought.ReplyDelete
Gail — this was the message I definitely needed to hear today. Thanks. I am going to print this out for my garden journal so I can keep these questions in the foreground. And great photos as always!ReplyDelete
I'm out of school for the summer, so I can finally stop by and visit some of my favorite garden blogs. I'm always amazed at your clear, crisp photos and wonderful words of encouragement. Congrats on that 2011 Blog Award. You deserve it.
So, why doesn't it rain in Texas any more? Ooops....I mean, it sure is sunny these days.
David :-) Tropical Texana
Wise words Gail! There are no surer ways to get stuck in a rut than to live in the past, in regret, in the woulda, coulda, shouldas, and to obsess over the whys.ReplyDelete
The past is over, and the future is is yet to be. Our power lies in right now. Now is where we can get out of our own way. The present is the place live, to let go of anything that wants to drag us down, wide awake in each moment as it unfolds.
This is a Very thoughtful post, Gail. True, true. We (I) always need reminders. :-) Beautiful photos, there!!ReplyDelete
"Who am I trying to please?" When I was younger, it wasn't clear - now I know the awful truth - only myself :)ReplyDelete