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Friday, October 23, 2009

Hedgemony*

The Thrown Room
Dear Impossible Missions Force,

We need your assistance in the Kingdom of Clay and Limestonia! You were a great help when the Kingdom was under attack from the underground Vinca movement. You surely recall the bitter battles and valiant effort of our loyal subjects when Major Vinca and his minions infiltrated every aspect of the community....Siphoning off the country's meager natural resources for their own uses. We remember well, when Vinca Minor, (second in command and even more aggressive then her cousin) aligned herself with the Bush and Privet families. Those very corrupt and once prominent families have been removed from influence. We celebrated those Last Days of Bush for months! But, they are bitter and determined to get re-rooted in the community... We fear that Hedge, our Minister of De-Fence has aligned himself with these disruptive factions. There is evidence of co mingling and conspiracy.

We must move carefully. Hedge has been a loyal subject and has many supporters; including a few of our more powerful families. Word must not reach the ears of our most powerful senator, Mr. I. He will not approve and could make trouble. Mr. I believes that the Kingdom needs a strong Minister of De-Fence and that Hedge has performed perfectly.

It's not without difficulty that We accept reports of Hedge's possible perfidy. He's worked hard protecting Clay and Limestonia from the world. He keeps the prying eyes of neighbors from our little kingdom. He's provided shelter for many an immigrant to our shores.

But, he's getting entirely too big and powerful. He's pushed past the boundaries and claimed land that is clearly not his...He's upset the natural order in this part of the world.

Oh, yes, like other despotic personalities, Hedge can be charming and beguiling! He does cut a fine figure in his seasonal dress uniform.
But, he's aggressive and has over run less assertive neighbors. Toppling a problem like Hedge can leave this little kingdom de-fenceless. Borders will be unprotected. A plan to get in and out of there quickly seems impossible at this moment. WE must of course err on the side of caution.

WE await your response and hope to see the Impossible Missions Force here soon.

Queen Gaillardia
Kingdom of Clay and Limestonia




*Hedgemony (n)~A hedge attempting to achieve garden domination
Hedge~a fence or boundary formed by a dense row of shrubs or low trees
Mony~Latin: action, result of an action or condition; a suffix that forms nouns)
Hegemony~ aggression or expansionism by large nations esp. among smaller nations in an effort to achieve world domination.

33 comments:

  1. Queen Gallardia may I make a suggestion. Cut the invading hedge to the ground, after it flowers next year of course. It would be difficult to completely eliminate the beautiful show at spring. It will be intersting to read what everyone has to say about this behemoth.

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  2. Cute post Quwwn Gaillardia (Gail). I have not noticed your hedge being aggresive.... am I not paying attention? I do know that forsythia can be cut back HARD with good results. Good luck with your decision.

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  3. I'd take it out and plant something evergreen and more friendly. Good luck in the kingdom.

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  4. Hi everyone~~I'm going to be away from the computer most of the day. We have out of town company. I will be back to read everyone's comments and posts this weekend. Thanks for stopping by! gail

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  5. Ha!!! LOVE "Hedgemony," Gail! A truly great garden pun. Our forsythia is terribly aggressive, too---it shocked me, not remembering the forsythia at my family home in Nashville spreading out of bounds like this. Here it's a constant battle of wills. But of course, I can't bring myself to eradicate it, either!

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  6. Gail,

    Fantastic writing and pun play! :-)

    As for Hedge's duties, one assumes you still want to elect a new Hedge and that you do not want a garden with de-fenceless borders.

    Rather than overthrow Hedge, why not slowly take him dow? Remove a section of Hedge where you would like a more kindly and logical substitute background for the garden. Use evergreens and ornamental grasses (do you get enough sun).

    Cameron
    PS Who just bought 7 dwarf Burfordii hollies to expand an existing foundation planting of said hollies along the garage wall to create a hedge along the garden side of the harsh concrete parking court. I've been looking at a lot of English garden magazines lately. Order in my parking court!

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  7. Gail,
    This is clever...such a crack up you are!
    I suggest to the Queen that a severe cutback is in order.
    Hope you have a good weekend
    Rosey

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  8. I think I would wait until spring to cut it back. Then you can bring the clippings indoors and force them for some nice decorations or give them away to friends. After it's done blooming cut it back hard!

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  9. It looks so good although! Well, my vinca minor also looks good, but I'd rather start pulling it out. Good luck to you!

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  10. It may be difficult to keep Don quiet here, dear queen. But Cameron is on to something, along the lines of Tina too. Evergreens are so much better at privacy and neatness and will not try to stir up trouble with the minions. Hollies would be my choice, for the berries. Foster's, dwarf Burfords or many many others including the prince and princess of blue. Enjoy your company!
    Frances

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  11. I agree with Frances. A combination of all would work harmoniously with the under world. A non trimming so as not to bother the Queen.

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  12. Hedgemony is a word I've never used in a sentence;) IMHO, your Minister of DeFence is beautiful.
    I'd cut him some slack.
    Marnie

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  13. I can hear the "mission impossible" music when I read this delightful play on words post.


    Loved it. Great job.

    Jen

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  14. Gail, Such fun! I just came from Frances' "Pumpkin Tale"...between the two of you, you have put a smile on my face on this gloomy, rainy morning. I would love to take one of these forsythia off your hands (no, no, I'm not asking for any), but I understand your concern that they are becoming too powerful. Lisa's and Janet's suggestions to cut them back hard sound like the way to go--bring them to their knees!

    And now I've added another word to my vocabulary:)

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  15. LOL! The rogues must be stopped! I have one here, I attempt to hold it back with all sorts of forged battle weapons. I hope you get a speedy reply to your query!

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  16. as a queen myself.....I SAY OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"
    in the spring of course.
    i love their colourful blooms in the autumn. i don't have any in my kingdom but do admire them from afar.
    i love your upclose purple bloom.

    happy autumn.

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  17. Dear Queen Gallardia....oh dear.....such a beautiful hedge.....can we not just give it a little tidy up next year.....I just love its shape and form.

    I think I might be on my own with this one......

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  18. Subjecting the Minister of De-Fence to a court martial is sad indeed, but it appears he is not fulfilling his hedge duties properly. That does not mean he cannot be assigned a new post in the Kingdom. For privacy, better recruit evergreen. (Taking him out gradually as Cameron suggests is a great idea).

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  19. I don't know, I think that there appears to be plenty of room for Mr Hedge to spread out... but then, I have a tiny urban garden and the kind of space envy that makes me long for a spot to provide refuge for him!

    If I may play devil's advocate here, what if you didn't take him out? What if, instead, you underplanted him with lovely shade perennials to take over the show and bring some interest beneath his overarching authority? And maybe allow a couple of clematis to infiltrate his ranks and provide a spot of color there during the summer and fall?

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  20. Your tale strikes a familiar chord here at Squirrelhaven, though the infiltration was limited to Vinca the Minor. There's also a serious problem with a plant that looks suspciously like Hedge that is definitely moving beyond its bounds. Good luck with that battle.

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  21. What a great post! And what fun to visit you in Tennessee. Beautiful photographs, wish I were there.

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  22. Very entertaining post, you are oh so clever! I'll be interested to see how you save the kingdom.

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  23. Fun post Gail, I was enthralled from start to finish. :)

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  24. Ah decisions decisions that's one problem with gardening what do we sacrifice for another ideal.
    I look forward to hearing what you decide.

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  25. Oh what fun Your Majesty! Seems you've got a nice variety of suggestions already, so I'll just suggest you and the senator have some breakfast with beer and cocktails to assist in making your decision.

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  26. Ooohhh, I'm Late, I'm Late... (white rabbit) I must seek out Queen Gail-lardia before the Hedge de la Fence completely does himself in. He must be cut back... he must be cut back. This is the only way he might find his way to full strength...

    Oh, where are those storm troopers, anyway?? ;-)

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  27. An army of loppers, perhaps? A posse of pruners? That might be a good way to warn him not to overstep!

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  28. tee hee. This was a good giggle Gail. I have a hard time cutting down anything that is thriving so well ~ it IS beautiful in spring. I understand the vision tho. It will take a strong heart and firm hand to make this decision! We'll follow it with interest.

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  29. LOL, very funny. I need to write them about the buckthorn... though they're very lazy, leaving it all to me alone!

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  30. What fun Gail - such a delightful post - of course - as it is a yellow forsythia hedge I would say off with its head wouldn't I :)
    K

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  31. I am not good with big powerful hedges. I hope you come up with a good solution, and the kingdom is kept safe and private.

    What a fun post to read!

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  32. Gail, I'm cracking up - Hedgemony! I love it! World domination by a forsythia hedge. This is a big problem in my part of the world where Forsythia has been completing its Hedgemonic expansion by stealth since the Victorian era. I can confirm that chainsaw scalping is not a solution. Forsythia laughs in the face of such treatment and bursts forth with even more vigor as a result. Total removal of root system is a must and troops must be stationed nearby for years afterward to maintain vigilance and patrol for impudent foot soldiers. Good luck with your mission.

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Let us be grateful to people who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners
who make our souls blossom.


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